Invitation to a Stranger
In this episode I forgot how to be happy. I'll tell you about it because I am here and you are distant.
I was 20 or 21 or one of those other ages that everyone says they want to be again or for first time. Every Wednesday afternoon would be the same. I'd do half an hour's walk from my house to an office, where I'd volunteer for charity for the afternoon. The nicer the weather, the worse I'd feel. When the sun was out, the city and the parks were full of people, groups, frisbees and laughter. I've heard volunteering is good for mental health, but I was only there for something to do, and to channel my myself away from myself. I don't think it was overly beneficial to me.
The walk to get there reminded me of everything I thought I wanted. I would try my hardest not to create an idealised Wednesday afternoon that I knew didn't exist, but it was right in front of my eyes. There wasn't any escape from the shame I felt when confronting my unhealthy levels of social and sexual frustration. And so I wrote a poem
a nice assumption from your face sweet, it tells of charm within hidden words, unlaughed laughs tomorrow's touch, tender skin
See my glass three metres high. Come to me. Break it down. Or my hunch, it's it's not disproved!
a grim grey cloud i float around